|How she sees me sometimes when she is ready to talk.|
They also need boxers of a different sense too. They want the loyal, loving, playful, happy, capability to listen without saying anything back feelings that they get from the Boxer breed of dogs.
It is up to you to choose which one she needs and when to transition that role to the other one.
This is a big problem for me. As a matter of fact we had an argument last week where all I needed to do was listen but I laced up my gloves ready for a fight instead.
Why is that so hard to do, to just listen? For me it comes from thinking in literal, technical and logical terms. What I mean is if she says Situation A makes her unhappy, I tell her to change Situation A. To me it is that simple. When she tells me that just changing Situation A is not what she wants then I become confused because not changing that leads to her unhappiness. Plus when I suggest something and it is not followed then I begin to wonder why my advice is not good enough and it can lead to an argument.
It is hard to me because as an individual I want to change what I can to affect my mood or happiness. it is hard for me because my wife does not think exactly like me and that creates a problem. In my mind, I think perfectly. I think rationally and I think right. When she does not think exactly like me, especially after I tell her how to think like me, it bothers me.
My wife is afraid to talk to me sometimes for fear that I will bring out the boxer with his gloved laced up, Vaseline on his face so the punches can slide off and he can keep fighting. She doesn't need or want that guy around unless he has to be and to be honest, he does not belong in our communication. He needs to pull a Rocky 6 and hang those gloves up already.
|How I need to look instead|
When my wife communicates with me what she wants is a sweet and mature Boxer dog that will calmly and wholeheartedly listen to her without speaking, making eye contact, and occasionally giving a kiss or two. Not be submissive like a dog but she needs me to simply listen and to let her know I hear her. She needs to know that if she needs it, that Rocky will put his gloves on again to fight for whatever she needs, but that she can talk without him always lurking in the shadows waiting to bust in to the room.
As the man that wants her to be honest and open with me I need to make sure she is comfortable talking to me. I want her to know that she can come talk to me about everything from a crappy drive home to a major life decision and I will be there to just listen and offer support.
So that is my homework for now; Learn how to communicate and understand that not everything is a fight.
I am sure everyone could benefit from doing that.